|Producer(s)||Jonathan Ian Mathers|
|Writer(s)||Jonathan Ian Mathers|
|Animators(s)||Jonathan Ian Mathers|
|Previous Episode||First Meeting of the Card Cult|
|Next Episode||Card Cult Update|
The classic "Fat-Kins Diet Rant" that got people off the all meat diet. At least the ones that still had brain cells left.
- Ok, I'm fuckin' sick of this fat-kins diet. You fuckin' carb counting assholes really need to stop. All i hear out of everyone's mouth is, oh i can't eat that, it has carbs.... Well you know what, you need carbs, if you don't have carbs your brain rots and your liver gets damaged. Nice. Your thin, and have some weird ass mental dissease and a bad liver. Yep, the vanity is worth it.
- I'm also sick of this fuckin' exchange program, where you minus the fiber grams from the fat grams and the carb grams, to determine what the carb ratio is in your food. Fuck that. When i pick up food i'm not gonna start doing addition and subtraction to see if it's a fuckin' meal i can eat. How about just minusing some fuckin' food from your every day eating binges you fat bastards. Stop looking to some dead man for a quick fix diet and just eat like a sesible human being.
- You never see any fat squirrles do ya? Why?
- Because we excersice by jumping from tree to tree and only eat nuts. And the ocational bagel that someone throws out.
- Stop being so concerned about your image and just be yourself. If your a fat bastard, fine, be a fat bastard. If you're an anorexic jack-ass with a thyroid problem, fine...be a twig. Stop doing all these unnessecary diets.
- Cause you know, once you get down to your goal weight, you're gonna be like: "sure, i can have an extra piece of cake, look at all the weight i lost. Then before you know it, rrrrrrweeeeeeeett. Back on a diet cause your ass is fallin' out of your jeans.
- Just be yourself. Eat that twinkie. Enjoy that cake, buy that extra pound of gourmet cream cheese you always wanted!!! And if people look at you funny because you're too fat or too skinny, tell em to fuck off and die. You do not need to adhere to the idealistic vision of beauty marketed by fashion magazines and negatively re-nforced by a society dumb enough to believe that beauty only appears on the cover of a magazine.
- Fuck them all!!!
- Now wears my waffle sundae?
Ending screen appears.